Human
by skyn0va
Summary: "To say that Levi does not show any emotion would be true. However, to say that Corporal Levi does not feel anything is a lie. Petra's death hurt him more than anything in his entire life. Normally he would not allow himself to grow so attached to someone, but Petra… she was unlike anyone he had ever met. She had devoted herself entirely to him." (Levi/Petra)


Levi was once again greeted by the loud silence filling the empty room as he sat down to drink his morning cup of coffee. Bringing the coffee mug towards his chapped lips, he took a small sip and then placed his mug on the table.

"Petra, could you please get some sugar-" he started, but then he suddenly stopped himself.

 _Don't you remember?_

A little voice hissed in the back of his mind.

 _All of your friends are gone._

 _And it's your entire fault._

Even though it was just a voice in his head, the words felt like they were coated in venom.

To say that Levi does not show any emotion would be true. However, to say that Corporal Levi does not _feel_ anything is a lie. Petra's death hurt him more than anything in his entire life. Normally he would not allow himself to grow so attached to someone, but Petra… she was unlike anyone he had ever met. She had devoted herself entirely to him.

He remembered her sparkling eyes and short ginger hair. The way she used to smile at him when she brought him his morning cup of coffee, she always made it just the way he liked it, and she always made it without question.

Never had Levi met someone quite as beautiful as Petra. She was like a radiant beam of sunshine, shining down on him in the darkest of times to brighten his dull, grey landscape of death and blood. She was his only ray of happiness in this grim world. Her beautiful face glowing in the darkness, a light at the end of the tunnel. But, Levi did not see Petra as pure. She had to carry the deaths of her comrades just like he and everyone else had to, a burden that none of them could avoid. In this world of blood and darkness, death could not be avoided.

"Why Petra?" he whispered to himself, talking to thin air.

"Why couldn't it have been me instead?"

Her face haunted him, a memory that could never be erased from his mind. Every night since the expedition of the Female Titan he would have the same nightmare over and over again. He would see her face looking up at him with dead eyes, blood staining her body as she stared at him and the dead bodies of his comrades.

His heart was now a hollow, lifeless husk which no longer had any meaning to him anymore. Why should his heart mean anything now that she was gone? Levi rarely cried. He forced himself not to get emotionally attached to anyone in fear that someday he might lose them.

But this time, he could not hold back his feelings. He had loved Petra, he had loved her more than anyone and now she was gone forever. His only ray of sunshine was covered up with grey clouds, never to shine down on him again.

The shattered remains of his heart were like fragments of broken glass. Nothing could mend his broken heart. _The heart was made to be broken._

Levi couldn't stop the tears streaming down his face, his tears burning him like acid. Not a single thing in the world could have prepared him for this. Guilt and pain clawed at his heart, slowly eating away at it inside.

 _I could've saved her. I could've saved all of them… if only I had been there sooner…_ _I'm supposed to be humanity's strongest soldier, and I couldn't even save them._ These words kept swirling around in his mind, stabbing him with reminders of everything that he had lost, and what he could have done to prevent it. Levi knew that this might happen someday, but how could he possibly be prepared for this? How can anyone be prepared to lose the person that they loved the most?

 _I'm so sorry Petra…I understand if you don't forgive me. I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most… I've failed you… I've failed all of you...I'm so sorry…Auruo, Gunther, Eld…_

He stared down at his hands and slowly uncurled his fingers revealing a gold ring in the center of his palm – a wedding ring to be exact. He had been meaning to propose to Petra for quite some time, but with humanity at the brink of extinction and the titans causing death and chaos, there was never a right moment. He had hoped that she would have lived through the horror of the titans with him, and that they would both live to see a brighter day and settle down and maybe even start a family together.

But that could never happen.

Without much thought he stood up and walked into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror – or at least what he thought was himself. All he could see was a man who had lost everything he had held close to him. His normally dark, brooding eyes now reflected that of pain and loss, and his usually stone-cold face was stained with tears. "You useless piece of shit, you're not supposed to let your emotions get to you like this." Levi scowled at his reflection, holding back the sobs. This wasn't how the Corporal was allowed to behave – no, Corporal Levi wasn't allowed to show any emotion at all, but how could he not after everything that he had been through?

He was only human.

His chest heaved as his emotions take control of him, sobs racking through his body as he kneeled down on the ground, his hands covering his face, his hands shaking. He couldn't let anyone see him in this broken state.

"Levi? Are you alright?"

The bathroom door slowly creaked open to reveal Hanji, her greasy hair tied up in a messy ponytail and her glasses speckled with dirt and grime. Levi looks up at her, his eyes glistening with tears – he doesn't say anything to her, his eyes telling her more than words could say.

Without another word, Hanji rushes to the Corporal's side, her arms enveloping around his small but muscular frame, as she kneeled on the ground with him, trying her best to comfort the grieving man. Levi didn't protest as Hanji hugged him, if it were normal circumstances he would have pushed her aside rather roughly and told her to go take a shower, but this time he didn't say anything. He continued to cry onto her shoulder as her fingers stroked through his soft dark hair, knowing that no words that she could say would help him.

"T-thank you." He breathed through the sobs, not caring that she was seeing him like this, his voice muffled by her jacket. Hanji only continued to stroke his hair delicately, her arms still wrapped around him in a soft hug, as that was really the only thing that she could do in his time of need.

Outside the clouds darkened the sky as the sun faded away, rain started to fall tenderly on the rooftop, but, the only thing was the rain wasn't normal rain water, it was salty. It was almost if the sky above was weeping.


End file.
